For you, this will mean compromising your sense of urgency. I think the best middle ground is one where you both pursue your shared financial goal of offering financial assistance to your siblings, but following a map that suits both you and your husband. Coming from a low-income background, you are elated to have enough money to cover your credit card bills, while your husband, who has always had enough, is likely concerned that you have credit card debt in the first place. Our perspectives on wealth and financial security are relative to our experiences. The thing is, I wasn't wrong, but neither was he. 'As a stay-at-home mom, I work 168 hours a week to my husband's 40, and he still thinks it's not enough' I understood that we weren't rich, but we were financially secure enough to buy the occasional pizza on a Friday night without having to worry about our credit card getting declined.
He saw a good, but relatively low, start that would change none of our penny-stretching ways. I'll never forget when my husband's career took us over the $50,000 threshold. Since I don't know your finances, I can't make a call on whose assessment is closer to reality, but based on my marriage to a man who comes from more money than I do, I have a sense of your situation. From what you said, it seems you're feeling really good about where you are financially, while your husband isn't feeling as secure. To find this center, I think a vital first step is examining your and your husband's perspectives - not on your siblings and the part you will play in their future success, but on your shared finances. Your final question, "Any advice for meeting in the middle?" tells me your head is in the right place because with any dilemma involving opposing extremes, the answer is almost always found right smack in the center. Yes, my husband and I should be saving more for retirement, or finally killing the last of that credit card debt, but I also feel like helping my siblings in their young adulthood will pay off emotional dividends long term, not just for them, but for my future nieces and nephews. My husband, although open to the idea, thinks we're not quite in the place to be helping others yet, but I argue my siblings need help most now while they're dealing with college and first home purchases. Now that I'm in a more stable financial place, it's important to me to offer some type of assistance and support to my younger siblings - to pay it forward, if you will. I couldn't have broken the poverty cycle without their help. His parents were able to help boost us onto the solid financial footing that we're on today by helping us with our first down payment and covering some tuition for my husband. He grew up with enough money, whereas I often didn't. My husband and I are from very different financial backgrounds.
Got a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.Can they actually afford it? If not now, when? Our columnist advises first getting on the same page about their finances, then setting a timeline.This week, a reader wants to pay wealth forward to her siblings, but her husband feels they can't yet afford it.For Love & Money is a biweekly column from Insider answering your relationship and money questions.